No curtain call.

This may be the one we've been waiting for,

no curtain call

just take it all.

I'm....falling apart.

BOYFRI--

(all names are excluded because one day if they find this and then they'll be like wtf man!)

I DON'T KNOW WHY I WANT TO WRITE THIS
but its i suppose new. not important or anything
IN RESPONSE TO TheExitChan: Cuddle Weather
I'll talk a tinnny bit about that whole -boyfriend- situation.

I've never had a real um. boyfriend. a few things that could be considered by others maybe, but not to me. Crush on a guy in 1st grade, crush on a guy in 5th grade, 9th grade I "dated" guy w for about a day and decided it was just too weird for me.
It was. just really weird. I did like him (mildly not so much for his need to flirt with everygirl), but me saying no to it was because I didnt get that whole, how do things work as BF and GF. I also lacked to have those, well, feeling things? Which tends to be a problem when you HAVE TO HAVE THEM.

In tenth grade, I was asked to go see a very nice game music concert, which I was under the impression when i said yes, was a group thing. guy D had also asked my friend to go, but he couldnt. Only a day or two beforehand, was it, a date. so i decided, well fine, might as well. whatever. so guy D i guess, maybe? took this way too seriously, and one statue later he was telling everybody we were BF and GF. I didnt really like him like that, and i also couldnt stick with it, because he was kind of elitist to me, and it was annoying. eventually, I broke it off. and then he called my house, said he missed me...tried to corner me in the hallway and talk to me when i was NOT interested... just.... >.>

I think the first time I started paying attention to all this BF GF stuff was with friend/guy C. everybody knows THIS story. guy C liked my friend "miss E" if you will, and I got to hear all his RAMBLINGS and crap. My car was some safe haven where he would tell me stuff and I would be like C'MON I DON'T WANNA HEAR IT ANYMOREEE

But it also made me wonder if I was missing something. like. this is how he ACTUALLY feels for her? that's so strange. I mean. I've read some fanfiction (NARUSAKUUU) and maybe a little romance here there, but that's not REAL. I don't feel it, I don't understand it. when i was younger, it was like this, ohmygodicantlooktheyregoingtokiss *turnsaway*

I did come to understand it, and when I did, I started realizing what i actually wanted in someone. I for sure cant have anyone trying to do everything for me. MISS INDEPENDENT. lol. but on that note, for as much as I want to be independent, I want to depend on someone. depend on you depend on me. While I say I'd like to have a link (or a zack), who doesn't, I could settle with normality. its allright. I'd rather be more comfortable around someones looks actually, then be like. ohmahgodthisguy he be so hawt I can't be around him 'cuz he so hawt

-I'm having wayyy too much fun writing this guys LOL-

So I realized that after a year or more of LISTENING to friend guy C, >.> i came to like him myself. This is such a hard thing to talk about, because its so problematic. I started actually realizing, Those things he was talking about? Ewww i felt those things.
I HAD FEELINGS. EW.
And this was the point where for whatever reason, guy C decided he DIDNT want to deal with me, talk to me anymore. We had been friends to the point where I feel. like the difference between bf and gf and friends, was a label. I had what I was looking for. dependablity, and normalcy. I kind of, wanted to know what happened when there WAS the label added.
but anyway
Guy C decided he wanted to be a douche to round out the end of my friendship with him. which is saddening. and of course I never really got the chance to try a chance at something REAL, not these crushes or stalks or stupidities. -.- and it ended in a stupidity.

So am i looking for someone? of course i am. jeez. but. sadly it'll prolly be a long time from now till a someone actually happens. for now i got peter the chulupa, I got mah AKE and my ashly, and I'm okay with that.

ON DRIFTING.

Totally always wanted to be like, a speed racer sort of thing. when I was younger, it was like YOU CAN GO HOW FAST IN NEED FOR SPEED ? or hot wheels world race (love that movie)
in NFS underground 2, I was introduced to drift and drag. and while I was MUCH better at drag, i always thought being a drifter would be awesome. going REALLY fast somewhere would be awesome.

THEN I GREW UP AND GOT A CAR AND AM A CAUTIOUS DRIVER :[
I of course have these moments where I wanna go as fast as I can and zoom around other cars. but alas. Damn you conscience.
...I also want to see how much damage my Kaytonmobile can do to OTHER vehicles but alas. XD
~Proffy

Couple THINGSSS

Just stuff that pops into my head about me or in general, I gotta blog it or else what D: wheere shall it go?!
-On Bentley Jones
So I've been listening, and singing, to Mistah BJS new Finally Free album this week, ALOT. And Exitttt pointed out how Joe (inoue), was better. So I started thinking, WHY do I like what I like. So I pulled out my handy dandy notebook, wrote down some clues, and now I'm gonna share them for me and blue! (you?) lol
I kind of...from time to time, write my own songs. without a beat, and without well, writing. For example, sometimes I turn my radio completely off in the car and just...spout words. Sometimes they rhyme, sometimes I'm not witty enough to think on my feet and come up with a rhyme. soo. yeah. I started noticing ESPECIALLY with this album, that some of the lines that BJ has, along with his emotion, matches my rhythm and lines as I sing. Its crazy. I can't explain it. Like I guess, in my head, BJs tone in my head matches my own. that's how I sound in my head. lol.
SO if you wonder how im like OHMAHGOODNESSBENTLEY JONES and you're like, why does she act that way? tadaaa lol.
-I ALREADY SAID THIS BUT I HAVE REALLY HORRIBLE DREAMS.
FORGET logic, I dont even WANT to explain to you what happens in some of these dreams. god. that last one? >.> it was like a mix of college and anime and games. or my perception of college. with....game characters. sounds fun? NOT IN THIS CONTEXT. aughaughfsdkjglk
-Not only am i an amateur songwriter, I'm also an amateur fanfiction writer !
Last night I was cleaning out my Deviations, and i found a few under the narusaku club, and im not nearly as into narusaku as i used to be you know? but either way, these SUCKED. augh. lol. in my head i was all like. this should have TOTALLY HAPPENED RIGHT HERE. and then i was like. FRICK IT *spends an hour writing up like a 2 page piece*, it wasnt very good. i just think its funny.
IN MY HEAD THINGS ARE EITHER ALOT BETTER OR ALOT WORSE.
FRYS WAS BETTER IN MY HEAD
NARUSAKU PLOTLINES ARE BETTER IN MY HEAD. more vivid at least.
DREAMS ARE WORSE.

ALSO. I AM HARDCORE. GOODBYE.
~Proffy

THOUGHTS FROM DRIVING IN MY CAR TOO MUCH.

part one :]
see. I could be like an AWESOME writer. if I wanted.

Even my biggest fears, and lies, they're controlled by you.
You who gave me meaning
Took it away.

I don't have much to live for
So I live to think
Of what I had
Of what I have
One year it took to sink
that I cant do
What I did with you
Not so long ago.

I don't regret my decisions
I regret yours

You come in
Swoop down
You don't know me
But you look for me
When i'm searching for you
You didn't want to be close
But
My friend.
You're a lot closer than you think.

You took me apart, reassembled me when i needed it
A different person?
Just well oiled
To know right and wrong
To be back on the path
That life takes me.

So while you live your new life
I'll live my old one.
We'll converge someday.

Your eyes will meet red
Mine green.
And I'll know that in that one moment
Truly
without a doubt
It was me
You were thinking about.

~Kayton

10 songs or something.

So lately, I don’t know what I should write about.
I mean, I feel I don’t need to talk about my "day" or my own current internal issues so I was like, 'what can I do that’s still part of my blog?' And dah ta! MEME.

Okay so the 31 days of rants didn’t go well ‘cuz I’m inconsistent, but I shall try to keep up with it!
But today, I’m playing my itouch on shuffle, and letting it choose 10 songs ill allow others "insight" of my personal thoughts when I listen to them.
If it’s too angsty, ill skip it, but for the most part, my stream of consciousness, memory and thoughts, kinda rolled into small paragraphs.

1: See you again (rock mafia remix) by Miley Cyrus
First got it with the breakout album, I hadn’t actually heard the regular version until rock band got it as DLC. This is a song I know most words to, and has only one real meaning attached to it.
In 11th grade, this was the song Ian and I associated with Ms. Urban for AP English 3. I got my sights set on you, and I’m ready to aim? Like she was gonna kill you with editing XD And see you again? IN AP4 xD that didn’t happen o course but at the time, it was played in my car with the idea of urban singing this. Amazing.
One of my fav lyrics in it:
"The last time I freaked out, I just kept lookin’ down, I st-st-stuttered when you asked me what I’m thinkin bout"

2: (not really)
Gotta go my own way by Gabriella Montez (HSM 2)
....my only thought is why the hell is this even in my itouch? Never really liked Gabriella. SKIPPING THIS ITS NOT A REAL NUMBER

2: Good gone girl by Mika
The VERY first thing that popped into my head when it turned on was ff13. XD I played Mika's album and Miley Cyrus's album alongside 13 for FAR more fun. lolol. I don’t have much more to say about this song, I freaken love Mika’s voice. Oh and good gone girl is kind of a confusing title. lol.
Fav lyrics:
"she’s walkin around, all over town, needs somebody to notice but the goodness gets her down
She’s happy to choose, somebody to use, good gone girl she’s got nothin left to lose"

3: ANSWER BY FLOW
Well, itouch, you really do know me :D answer is one of my FAVORITE. favorite. favorite songs. it was one of the only songs I ever learned fully in Japanese JUST so I could sing it to ford when he was a baby. This is the song that really cemented FLOW in my mind, the emotion, that even though I dont know Japanese, I can feel this strength (well its pain but) in the words. I looked up the english lyrics once, and even though in Japanese, I can JAM to it, knowing that the emotion coming from Keigo is this pain. the videos kind of cool too. I’ve tagged this to narusaku several times, in terms of english translated lyrics. Betty and I would jam to this too. :]
Fav lyrics: (that I spent too much time trying to decipher)
"focus on a naked blaze"

4: Thank you!!! by HOME MADE KAZOKU
and the itouch gets stupid again. It’s played this song like 4-5 times in the last two days that I’ve hit shuffle. ANYWAYS. this was a Bleach ending, and I associate my small
fond memories of like the first 1-30 episodes I saw of bleach to this song. this and Houki Boshi. Personally, it’s not my favorite HMK song, cuz Shounen Heart keeps a similar beat
...but is SO much better. this is too lax for me.
Fav lyrics: actually I don’t really have any.

5: LOL WHAT. okay fine. BET ON IT. by TROY. (HSM2)
why is my itouch so stupid! I DO like this one though. I liked his whole frolicking through the golf course/beach/forest thing and made troy look utterly silly. But when I’m NOT
Watching the movie, I like the background drums, and, his singing actually. ALOT of people I know dislike this song for the reasons I do like it.
Fav lyrics:
"I’m not, gonna stop, not gonna stop till I get my shot. That’s who I am, that is my plan, we'll end up on top again bet on it bet on it BET ON IT you can BET ON ME"

6: the rain rain rain (came down down down) by POOH BEAR
Don’t you love the diversity of my itouch? Its freaken pooh. The whole raining scene where there was the flood and pooh was collecting hunny pots and just HAPPENED to find piglet. And they threw a party for pooh. Amazing. Again, it’s freaken pooh. What movie can you watch over and over and over? AND YOURE FIFTEEN. XD

7: his world by Crush40
His world. It’s a sonic song. There’s been about 4-5 variations of this song, this versions in my upper 1s 2s. Crush40 just has alot of like maturity in this song, which works. anyways. his world is from sonic 06, which I did not nor have any interest to play (sonicXhuman girl? PLZNOTHX) This song, not this version, was my anthem to running outside with the heart monitor during PE of 11th grade. I would sprint as hard as I could when it played. why? because its sonic speed :] the song also vaguely reminds me of power rangers a bit. the guitar bits I mean. anyways.
fav lyrics:
"its the fire, flame, conflicting pain, untouched and crushed and will remain, the one the two the three the four, heading straight for an open door, he can see, and he
can feel with that one touch, it seems unreal but it's true. the power is INSIIDE OF YOUU YEAAHH"

8: heheh. BAD ROMANCE by lady gaga
yay. the actual song that got me into gaga. before this song, I knew who she was but wasn’t well versed in her songs enough to care. now? well now loll. I freaken love this on rock band. and the crazy lyrics. and yelling I WANT YO BAD ROMANCEEEE all the time. and the whohooahaoha and .... this wasn’t much of a memory other than a small fangasm right? XD
Lyrics yo:
RAH RAH RAH AH AH ROMA ROMAMA GA GA OOH LALA, want your bad romance.

9: Human by the killers
so I picked this up on my itouch cuz I was dling killers stuff anyway. I do like it though. my mom and I had a conversation about the meaning of this song, and I just thought it was being illogical about if we're humans or dancers. I’ve read elsewhere those meanings are metaphors for other stuff, but I’ll keep thinking about it. this is one of those songs I zone out while driving in the car.
Lyricss:
"will your sister be allright? when you dream of home tonight, there is no message we're receiving, let me know if your hearts still beating"

And 10: Niji by Denki Groove
Figures. it’s an anime song in the very end. Eureka 7s ending (ENDING theme, ala episode 51 or 2 or whatever). Because it’s a duet, it reminds me alot of Tsubasa chronicles,
because syaoran (Miyu irino) and sakura (yui makino) because there’s a duet in the OST for TRC as well. anyways. If you know anything about eureka 7, and you don’t, it centers
around a boy who matures throughout the series and ends up in the end with the like alien girl. ...it is better than I’m making it. XD so in it, I really like the duet because it
directly connects me to the end of the series, it’s like a musical bridge. you know what you see at the end of E7? space man. and that huge earth.
Lyrics: too tired to look up my fav part of this song in romaji. oh well~

Yeah. These were shitty songs. HOPE IF I DO THIS NEXT TIME I GET MORE MEANINGFUL SONGS RIGHT?
Lol.
~Kayton

31 Days of Rants #4 ~ Dependent

Shit guys I'm really tired D:” and dependency is a big topic, I guess ill try tho.
Number 19 out of 31, Dependent.
Simply put, dependency is the sort of thing we believe we’re doing less of as we hit the high points in life. We start out AS a dependent, and become independent. Most people believe in this mentally, but there’s also that sense in finances. However, with finances, you go from being dependent to being independent, and that’s that. With mentality, it’s all the more complicated.
When we’re young, We want to turn to somebody. We need mom, dad, or big brother to help us along. We keyword NEED somebody there for us. And as we get older, we want to be leaned UPON, and not leaning on others. We become independent. Some people believe that as a sign of maturity. But its all the more foolish to believe you can be the one leaned upon, end of story. When we’re young, we lean on mom, THINKING she’s the independent. What we don’t realize is that mom leans on dad, and they lean on uncles or aunts sometimes, even their parents. We’re never really stop being dependent on others.
Those who believe they can constantly be independent, are the most foolish of all. The “ill-do-it-myself” mentality is fine given a situation, but to live that way all the time is crazy when you can’t trust ANYONE, then you’re living a sad life. People look and need to have someone lean on them, but also to find people that they themselves can lean on. We do it all the time, even when we say we don’t. I’m not afraid to say I’m dependent on people. Even small actions or the words one gives is a dependency, from mom doing my laundry to having me rant about the stupidity of something. Had I not ranted about it, I might not have felt as okay keeping it balled up. Letting people in is to depend, and trust in them. They can help, you just have to believe that they can. Sometimes you can get so dependent on someone, that you feel lost without them around. It’s not a sign of weakness, it’s something that you have to sort out in your ways. When you know they can’t be around for you, or that they can’t help you at that point and it happens at every point, you step in with that so-called independency to take over. Being independent is KNOWING how to take care of your shit. It doesn’t make you any less dependent on friends, family, or otherwise.
And if you don’t believe me, think about this. As you are within your last years of life, you revert to being a child again. You need your son or daughters to take care of you, and you need the doctor to keep you alive. Dependent until the day you die.
See yalls.
~Kayton

31 Days of rants~ Lace

Number 16 on the rant list, lace.
I’m not even sure why or how that word is ON my list. That’s not something I think about often. More often not than often haha! Anyways. When I think of lace. I think of three things. Three different things.
The least common of these when I think of lace would be the frilly kind. That on a dress or something. It would be something id NEVER think about. Ever. I’m really not sure how this sort of word is on my list. I own maybe one shirt with a fake camisole with lace at the top, my nice orange striped collared one, but other than that I don’t deal much with lace. Ashly on the hand, I believe, should be a fanatic. Maybe im just putting that idea with the fact she loves dresses probably more than most people in the world.

The other kind of lace, is a shoe lace. I think when I was younger, I wasn’t really that great at tying my own laces. I especially had a hard time doing someone ELSES shoe laces, tying backwards into a bunny was even harder for me. Over time, because in soccer if you lost a shoe you’d have stickers in your foot and a shoe in someone’s face, my laces were reinforced with double knots and those lace covers that slipped over the middle of your shoes. They’re a lot harder to get off than to get on but as long as I didn’t lose a shoe. However, any other time, I had a terrible time with my laces. Most of the time the laces would untie themselves, and id be tripping over things and myself. I now am a fan of vans, because I don’t like to trip in the middle of the chemistry center and Bancroft goes “ I didn’t see that! Haha!” “no. no you didn’t. lol.”

Thirdly, and most abstractly, using lace as a verb. Often in Fanfiction, or maybe twilight I don’t know, does Jacob or Edward “lace their hands” with Bella? I don’t know. But often, authors use “they laced their fingers together” to mean holding hands. But, more, intimately. I myself am not a hand holder to….okay I just don’t. even in figurative terms, I’m definitely not a hand holder. But, all exceptions come in the form of steven and ford, (and the smaller neighbor amaya), and their hands always need to be held when we cross the culdesac if I’m with them. When steven was just a bit younger, I used to think of him as like Christopher robin and pooh bear, based off size difference, and he was young and didn’t know any better. He still holds my hand now, going on 5, and he asked me to be his girlfriend the other day, so Im not sure the handholding is for safety anymore. What a sly boy. At least ford can still be my Pooh bear. :3
~Kayton (three days already guys? Whoah.)

31 Days of Rants~ Punch

Really? XD I numbered all the 31 words and I got a random number from exit…. I think my latter numbered words suck XD
Number 29 out of 31, Punch.
There are several people in this world I’d like to punch. Not that id do it of course, I think a small slap would work, but sometimes you want to punch someone. Figuratively cuz that’s just what you WANT to feel. The satisfaction of SOMETHING connecting with them. When thoughts don’t quite work, physical connection is better than none. I cant punch OR slap anybody tho, as least not with passion. It’s not that we’re looking to harm them with our punches, most of the time, we’re looking for the opposite.
Physical affection. A lot of friends I’ve made had this idea. Instead of talking out something to them, a good punch or even a poke would be the means of our talking. When you do it, its just like a hi, but hurts XD Sometimes, I can actually BE hurt if they DON’T punch me. I think I had two main people at kerr who I did this with. Names not mentioned, one I would purposely try to kick/punch each other in the halls to say hi. For someone else, it meant who could poke each other first in the cafeteria. Yeah, those are pretty fond memories of each of those people. In middle school, much was the same, we’d poke and prod each person we knew. Not to hurt them, but as a means of hi.
On a side note, Hawaiian punch is delicious; fruit punch juicy juices are AWESOME, meh on those fruit punch Capri suns tho.
If we could use our punches to speak, how would we punch people? Those we love with MORE or less vigor? Where would we punch ‘em? Hit the ones we hate in the face and those we love on the arm? If things worked that way people would be more honest about who they like and who they don’t. But even so, we’d find a way to confuse people with our strange methods of punching. If we punch somebody in the chest, maybe we’re trying to get their heart to beat faster, a sign for graceful flirting. To punch someone in the arm could be a way for them to change their nerves of pain if something is hurting them elsewhere. Like our aim-speak, where sarcasm doesn’t show up easy, maybe to punch someone I dunno in the ear is insulting their hearing. Or maybe it’s insulting their sense of smell. We’ll stick with words shall we?!
What about if you punch someone to actively strengthen a bond? Like the punch for a hi, you can start a fight like bonding brothers and engage in battle. How is battle bonding you say? Is it knowing the movements of the other, say if the opponent doesn’t speak on the battlefield? Naruto claims a true punch lets him see the future or into sasuke’s heart or something. I’d say there’s truth in this, for I’ve spent many a super smash bros hours talking about nothing but feeling bonded to my opponents/allies.
If everything could be solved with a good punch.

Kayton

31 Days of Rants ~ Reptiles

OKAY. So as a means of forcing myself to write more, I’m going to do daily short rants about random subjects. I wrote down thirty words, and I need to create a rant about each one per day. Of those 31, I pick a number at random. The list will NOT be given to you, because THEN you’d try to expect what I’m gonna write about!
Number 24 out of 31 on the list, Reptiles.
Off the top of my head, I used to think reptiles were really cool. Alligators scared me in person, but I still think they’re one of the coolest reptiles you’d know. Komodo dragons for sure have the best name, and regular ole lizards are the ones I’ve had fond and not so fond memories with.
The thing with reptiles, they’re what, cold blooded? When I was younger, I had a problem establishing cold and warm (hot?) blooded. Even now, I just don’t get it; the reptiles are always warm so they need cool for their bodies? Or is it vice versa? Somebody explain that to me. I’m the weird one, always cold and wanting to be warm, ‘spose why I don’t like winter y’know.
Luke has a strange attachment to lizards, we only had one dog as a pet around the time he was born, and he was always trying to get himself a pet lizard. i was a little more timid, because I would try to get them for him and they’d end up trying to eat my finger, freaked me out of course. I can fully say that Luke and I have “helped” many a lizards lose their tails. On the flip side, cute ford is afraid of EVERYTHING, grasshoppers aren’t reptiles, but in the same idea, the big ones at the ranch? He screamed.
You know alligators were supposed to be the death of Steve Irwin right? I really liked that guy. He made me want to go to the zoo more than after he well, retired… I liked seeing what he was wrangling without the fear of something bad happening. Like a reptile-esq super hero. His little daughter and I believe son? I hope they don’t move away too much from loving animals, I know Bindi has a show, but I needs to not be on like, kid animal planet. Isn’t she like 10 already? Hahah.
And that’s it for this first one. Yeah. I picked at random and got something I had no idea what to talk about. Great. Well, from writing this, I jumped several topics, so we’ll see if this continues or my other rants will be straight 1 dimension thoughts into the topic.
See yous
Kayton.

Number 17: POST-IT 8-BIT : Squirtle

Rawr! First one we did and its the 17th one on the list. lol, for some history, i saw this on kotaku, and immediately wanted to do it. IT was one of the first things that I started the list for, but not something I added on there till later. Anyways, Our project was to make a sticky note-ish version of a squirtle sprite :

We needed many different colors of sticky notes for it, some of which we didnt have was black, dark orange and dark yellow, and various grays. So we used either printer paper or construction paper, or even using darker colored markers on the orange/yellow stickies. Our work in progress was this here:
And a day, alot of fullmetal alchemist brotherhood episodes and Cloudy with a chance of meatballs and gluing later, we had our finished Squirtle!
Its pretty awesome.
Anthony and I made the squares and glued it together, Exit helped in support and well, they were HER stickies to begin with. Chao!

Confession May, ROUND 2

I've been compiling this for like 20 days yo loll

Another year has gone by, and i think ive got some BETTER "confessions" this time around other than "LOL I LIKE CENTAURS." well i like Links and Siegfrieds and Kaminas and Minatos too but those aren't really like confessions lol (haaa kamina threw you off, the other three had blonde hair...and kamina has blue...which is my favorite colo-- LETS MOVE ON)

SO TO WARN YOU. This is my SENIOR YEAR 2010 CONFESSIONS. Its probably depressing. but its my DAMN BLOG lol.

-My biggest confession (I guess?). Within my four years of High school, I crushed on one person. However, I never admitted it to them, nor to anybody else. And not willing to still. lol. If you want a hint, Its not anybody in the Code Red Knights (past or present.)

-A little known Rock Band fact: When I'm thinking about certain people, I play the songs they like/play (esp when theyre not around.) I didn't Identify this quirk on my own tho.

-Why not go all out? Alot of the time, when you see me "tired/sleeping", I'm really pissed or upset but i don't want anybody to see. There is a difference between that and sleeping tho, i'll prolly letcha know I'm sleeping if I am.

- I hate feeling like a Douche. Or like I did something wrong to cause something. If anything was caused by me, I will immediately go to fix it, or attempt a sorry. It just feels shitty having ppl you care about think of you wrongly.

-Other people outside my peep circle? Say what they want. Doesnt matter who wants to rag on me. I'm a big kid, and words don't hurt me.
-On that note, as much as i say im a big kid, I cant do anything on my own. I can be mature when ppl are around me, I get calm and collected, and take care of busineessss. On my own? pfft. Scared as a damn mouse. College is gonna be hard T_T

-I'M AN OPEN BOOK. Hello! Writing this all on a blog? XD so that means that most of you guys do know me very well. More well than you think. I only have a few things I keep to myself, which im mostly addressing today. o__o I'm not sure if I'm leaving ANYTHING out.

-I lied XD I'm MOSTLY an open book. Talking to you guys in the CRK, if I feel you'll react harshly to what I'm gonna say, then I avoid the conversation. In turn, if you expect me to tell you everything, I expect the same from you. Its annoying when some people know everything about you, and you have no idea whats going on in their little heads.

-I regret not talking to some people, when you finally get to know them and you know, you part ways. That I think sucks. I is gonna miss you my apprentice.

-I like giving gifts. XD okay well now they're ALL WITH ULTERIOR MOTIVE (I'M IN YO ROOM PUTTIN MY DRAWINS THAR)

-Most of the time, I'm nice. I like doing things for others. However, I also think that it might be in an instant gratification sense. Not all the time, but I do sometimes do things and im like "yeah I'M the better person >D " even though being nice shouldn't come with a motive like that XD

-I'm very afraid of everyone leaving me. A bunch of people coming and going will do that to ya. So sometimes I cling and try to please those so they dont decide I'm worthless and go again.

-Kinda dislike when I use words and phrases that I deem normal (not difficult or anything), and everybody has no idea what I'm talking about. I wonder if this is because I'm white (or just wierd?)

I also think that most if not all beings are perfectionists. We WANT it all, but we cant have it all. we want what we cant have,
and take for granted what we have until its gone. However. The best people have perfectionism in them, but they can smile at what
they have for now, and want for the future. :\
~Laaa Kayton out

Another one of those nostalgia rants, RUN AWAY

So, Malymar did a WONDERFULWAT flashback of her pokemon experiences, but of COURSE I want to best it XD or, at least, I want to give my own.

It started, with an Oddish card.

It was around 2nd and 3nd grade when Pokemon REALLY got going. I was a kid who was overly obsessed with Dragon Ball Z, and for some reason my ring of friends at that point didn’t really do DBZ. But EVERYONE did Pokemon. So during our school-wide sale, where each class sold something in particular and if we got enough money we were able to pick out a book from the book orders we got. We all worked hard that second grade, and so we got our free book. For many of my mates, that was a “how-to draw pokemon” book. And thus, our badly drawn Charizards and Pikachus began.

I believe it might’ve been that Christmas I got a game boy color, and of course, Pokémon red AND blue. Pretty sure I played blue first, and fell in love with that little blue squirrel thing we call Squirtle. Its tiny dot eyed bushy tailed self really made me love Pokemon.

His designs changed over time, but not my love for him. I started watching the anime, I drew Pikachu to the best of my ability a lot, and I worked hard to make my squirtle, Shellshock, a Blastoise. And the card game was introduced to me of course, but I had no cards of my own. Yet.

I would then get to 3^rd grade, new school, new life. I branched off into two leagues of people, those before school and those at daycare. At school, I was the new kid with no friends and thus, school wasn’t really any fun. But I did begin daycare. This was pretty big for my Pokemon life. The first day I was introduced, a much older kid who was only visiting his former daycare lady (and my new one of course), taught me the MissingNO. Code. I also had to become friends with the people at daycare. There weren’t many of us, but thankfully we all liked pokemon, and I quickly got to be on pretty good terms with people such as Roy and R.J. , where we constantly traded and battled.

Daycare isn’t anything like school however. With no games being allowed in school, I only had my drawing books and paper to keep with me. I envied others who could draw Dragon Ball Z better than I, and formed pacts with some of the other kids so they would teach me how to draw Pikachu perfectly. Those kids were not really friends of mine, but they did teach me of my own determination. I wanted to be the best, and even if it meant drawing dbz and pokemon, I wanted to stick them in my own locker so when other kids saw me put up my backpack, they’d be like “oh wow!” instead of some other people. Even now, in an art room full of artists, I’m constantly thinking that. Im a little more modest than I used to be around people however, at daycare I would purposely draw to BEST others (turned out even though Roy goes on to be a uber athlete at his high school, he was actually a jack of all trades in his younger years and my biggest rival. Even in gold and silver, my rivals name was Roy.)

On the playground and bus canopy finally did I obtain the start to my TCG collection. While seeing many people with cards, I had none of my own and

WANTED very badly a deck. But it always starts with one, and that one, was a potion. XD you expected oddish didn’t you! Well yes MY FIRST card was a potion, a BENT IN HALF potion I found on the concrete in the bus canopy waiting for daycare. But it still didn’t get me a deck, only did a week later did I find the BENT IN HALF oddish card, then a bent in the corner bellsprout, and finally my own cards. Now, I didn’t get to spend a lot of money on pokemon cards. Hardly any. When I did, it was a water/fighting deck, this is why I have insane amounts of fighting and water pokemon and like nothing else. I had to learn my lesson quickly that with cards, I had no luck. EVEN NOW 4 packs later still no lugia half. little steven? Four out of the six rare rotom cards. -.-“ Either way, I played through red and blue, then gold and silver, and even ruby and sapphire, till things went sour.

Yay. Jirachi came out. I had no vendetta against the thing beforehand, believe me. It was a new pokemon, and in P.E. that day with the kid who had the mysterious and new thing. Put it on my game? Heck yes! And I lent him my prized ruby, where both my sapphire pokemon AND ruby pokemon were on. I had a lot. I didnt really hate hoenn all that much before it happened. But he lost my file. Okay, I was pissed. Then he said he couldn’t even GET jirachi on there! Mini-rage mode. And then he hacked my game to a spot where my pokemon were so weak I couldn’t beat WILD pokemon. I had to delete it all. I had nothing. My sceptile, my blaziken, the latios bros, secret base and info wiped, my linoone, gardevoir, swallow and a bunch of other pokes I cant rmr, it was all gone. People in daycare weren’t exactly playing anymore. I didn’t have friends at the time going into middle school who hardcore played it. So, Pokemon was put aside for things like kingdom hearts and my own drawing. My gameboy would constantly be lent to another girl in science class so she could play. Emerald came out, and for the first time in pokemon history, I didn’t buy it.

However, it was soon after that I was thrown in an 8^th grade art class, and being in 7^th grade, I had no friends. But, I met Felix, an 8^th grader who I guess was considered not that popular in his own class. He didn’t really do much work, but he talked to me, and he knew pokemon. It surprised me, his knowledge of pokemon and my own clashing. He had gotten leafgreen and I didn’t though, and I still wasn’t convinced I wanted to do pokemon anymore. So I borrowed it, and of course, training a shellshock, using his Zeus (a Zapdos, left)

It was awesome. There were new islands, the game was fun again. And so that year I also bought leafgreen, ran through it, and the ending summer of 8^th grade came firered. With Felix gone, I could not thank him for getting me back on track, but I didn’t stop playing. Turned out that a certain annoying asian boy we call Ian happened to like pokemon as well, and suddenly he wasn’t so annoying anymore. I would keep moving to meet others who shared pokemon, Malymar, Ricardo, and others who while not RAVING about it, do love it like Exit and Ashly. And I play through heartgold remembering the little tricks, the battles at chuck e cheese, the dunsparce hate, playing who I was then as how I am now.

Lastly. I’ve never got them all. Not 493, not 151. Similar to my own life, I have a certain set of pokes I train, and they are my team. ASH, despite not being a great role model in terms of the game, does really become the best with a small amount of pokes (then trades it all in to do another season but that’s another story), and so theres a fair amount of inspiration we draw from wanting to be the best.

So I keep on keepin on.

~Kayton

AWESOMESAUCE ARTIST STATEMENT

My artist statement

By Kate barker.

When I was a young lad. I saw things that other people did not see. I spent 18 years of my life, playing pokemon. And why? Why would you play a childs game for eighteen fricken years. Well let me tell you. I. WAS. HARDCORE YO. People were all like "oh shes persistent," or "oh she obsesses", but the truth is, its ALL TRUE. I was hardcore at pokemon just like how im hardcore in art. Everyday, I do a training exercise of drawing a train, UNDER A TRAIN. Pretty extreme? Well I see the bottom of trains better than everybody else. As a morning meal, I have cinnamon toast pencils. Their LEAD and CINNAMON flavors combined to make me even more HARDCORE than I was before. After 8 hours of drawing, 4 hours of mental training (sitting in a field of flowers (nevermind they were weeds) thinking of how much MORE HARDCORE I could be, I realized how everybody elses lives were so different compared to mine. They only had 2 hours of HARDCORE TRAINING, and they did fine? So was I obsessing ? damn straight. (this is the reflection part guys). When I trained to become a professor, I met dream and girl with guns who shoots stuff. They taught me, that you can love dreams (LOL)

 

 

So to this day I am an accomplished professor.

I know my colors too since I am HRDCRE.

 

BLU

GRN

YLW

WHT

BLK

 

See? I r smart.

And this is where my actual statement begins: I love colors. And I love pokemon. And, I think, I love naruto too, but sasuke sucks ass. So we all know what that means: I totlayy know what HARDCORE is =D

 

And as an accomplished professor and am VERY hardcore, I let people know the truth. I HAVE. To pee. :D

 

:D

Mahalo out of here!

Howdy! Long time no post. Sometimes poor blog here gets smushed off to the side when I'm actually enjoying life for the most part : D I always feel inclined to update it though here I go. March is here guys! Spring break! SAT! God of war III! POKAYMONS oh yes :3 and so much more. Haha Bentley jones reference. SONIC CLASSIC COLLECTION! And some other stuff.

I think a lot lately. Oh well, I don't NOT think a lot. I realize im reiterating this but as of like im mostly okay with my peeps and such. I guess I want (more?) from certain people, but I realize it's pretty naïve, especially since they can break bonds with you right as you trust them. Sadly, here I cant really trust anyone. Hurts mah heart lemme tell you, I'm an easily trusting person, that's why I can tell everybody everything, except the things of the utmost importance. The irony that I did a picture about my pillars, but a lot of the time I feel like im a pillar to those I chose instead they me. Its okay though, I shouldn't be whining, ive had a lot of fun with everyone lately and its pretty refreshing to spent time with everyone, instead of wondering "hmm wonder WHAT we can do," we can just DO. We got to plan a Rock Band-a-thon, The big trip to the ranch, its going to be awesome, so lets all spend our year as seniors FRUITFULLY :D

On the game side, playing bioshock. I suck. The end XD

And nao im off to the land of eating and stuff.

~Kayton

REFLECTION~

So, I'm 'sposed to have a "best of" 09 Blog coming soon, but I stumbled upon this instead. I'd like to write it in here, so that I may reflect on it if i lose the sheet.
This was a Warm up for English in 8th grade (as denoted by the sora lion cub on the backside XD)
"Warm up.
If i had a box with anything inside of it, my family would decide that inside would be a house in the Katy area. I think my family would all agree easily on whats inside the box. we've been trying to sell our house for a year now, and no luck whatsoever. no one comes to look at it, no one wants to see it. my family can't get a new house in katy because we need the money from our old house to make the payments. If we got a house, then we could lower the older houses price, and people would by it. why does my family want to get out of alief you say? Well, my mother says that i can get a better education and my brother wont turn into a gangster. My dads reasons are unknown, but im sure as a parent that he has the same ideas mom has. my brother wants a house in a new neighborhood because he has no friends. the kids at petrosky ignore him and dont play with him. he is miserable, and maybe Katy, where the kids are a nicer, and more respectful (no offence) he could be happier. myself, my reasons are hard to come up with. all Pre-AP, lots of friends, going to kerr next year, im president of the art club, and im a student mentor, do you think i want to give all that up? no way. But, i dont like a stealers, beat em up neighborhood either. i would rather make new friends, call and talk to my old friends, get into different art classes, live in a nice new him in a nice new neighborhood, try to see if i cant be a student mentor, go to a highly rated school , (Katy Taylor Highschool) and go to a place where people don't steal handhelds. I think that my family would be better off with a new house in Katy, TX"
8th Grade, 06

Man. When I read this I was like. wow. Only now do I see Katy residents as snobs. lol. And to think about "calling and talking" to my old friends, man I can't live without you guys. JEEZ i cant even live without ashly and that wasnt of my own verdict. But I find it the most interesting, how I made most of my wishes now despite not living there. I've made new friends, got into several art classes (That have helped me push myself to be better.) Maybe the same neighborhood, but neighbors and a culdesac that ive bonded with, Gone to a pretty highly rated school (Kerr what!), and have surrounded myself with people who mostly, XD, dont betray me and take mah DSes. XD
How times have changed.
12th Grade , 10.

How do you do?

And what an uneventful yet eventful week it's been. I don't write often, actually this past week I didn't do ANYTHING cept 1 chibi and that makes me sad. I dunno, motiviation? Something like that. However despite my actual "how's life" ramblings being quite dull, I needed to write this because of certain things that don't happen while im awake. Or called, dreams. If you know me well, you can say that I have….strange dreams. Usually, theyre just plain weird. Things like my uncle riding a childs motorcycle in a culdesac and being like a chauffeur (XD I love that one), another where im playing Pictionary in the middle of MY culdesac and I the words I kept getting were horrible and not KIDSAFE (what an o///////o moment in that dream that was XD)

But no. As of this morning, I've had two, absolutely, FUCKING HORRIBLE, dreams. There was a third one today that wasn't horrible, somewhat amusing in a sense but whatever. This is strange because I normally don't have this many dreams in a row I remember, and they being so bad they affected my waking up & going through the day. School people! Noticed anything sort of off about me this week? Yeah I'm pretty good at hiding it. I really didn't know who or how to convey these…dreams to, so I'm using the blog instead.

Tuesday, I got home and decided to watch teen titans, upstairs yadda yadda, ended up laying on the floor trying to watch them and fell asleep. This was one of the horrible dreams. I can't exactly put them into words, and for this one it actually includes those who might read this blog so I won't get into specifics, but it felt very real, I mean the whole dream started up with me waking up from where I was and answering the door (ironically, how I woke up to this dream was getting up and answering the door, though in real life it was Steven I still had this OH GOD NO in my head). I answered the door, stuff happened, I was really happy, and all of a sudden, a realization hit me. Now again, due to it dealing with real ppl and situations I can't explain, I'll say that someone who should have been with these said people weren't. This, situation, was like a future alternative to my life down the road, and if I had to choose, I didn't want that way. So, while said people were in my house, I completely ended up changing my attitude, going to my room and shutting/locking (Even though theres not a lock) on my doors, sitting in the middle of my room NEXT to my bed and taking all my blankets and comforters and wrapping myself all in them. I was absolutely devastated, and in this dream it was so vivid that I never felt this feeling of anguish before. Confused, said people awkwardly the house, and then of course the real door bell rang.

This dream, of the three, pertains closest to my actual life. Because I had been thinking so much about things, they gave me a sort of situation to look at. And of course after analyzing it in real life, if that's how life would be down the line, I don't want it. Not. At. All.

Flashforward to LAST night, Thursday night while it was raining, I had another dream. One I hope to god doesn't come true in any way or fashion. I can spare people reading this a "censored" version because it doesn't pertain to any of you. Another pretty real dream to start with, my father and I were having bonding time. On a side note, I know you don't hear it from me much, I usually talk about my mom more, but I do love my dad very much. He's got this laid back sense of being I think I have myself in some ways, and we bond over little things. Anyway, we were up at miller (an intermediate school both Luke and I went to at some points) in the front of the school, both in his expedition, and I guess we were waiting on something, because the whole front was filled with cars. Now. This part comes from last year, when I had to pick up Luke several times at Miller due to his rehearsals for his play. People waiting on their children in that front, are absolute madmen in vehicles. Nobody waits in line, people try to pull out in front of one another, the parking lot is filled, the first curve around the schools front is filled, then the second space curve next to it (essentially you are boxed in if you're in the inner curve) and whomever cannot get in the front has to get in this line that goes all the way down the street the schools on. Madness at every turn, I sort of dreaded the going to get Luke because I hoped that someone didn't try to kill me. BACK TO THE DREAM, We were sort of in the outer curve, but on the street and not in the space where the school is, so dad sends me in to find Luke. At this point, take what I said in real life about this driving issue and like triple it. It was BAD BAD. I roam along happily, get distracted, trying to find Luke, tell him to get his butt back here and when I come back out of the school, I see some of these cars, again, it's a dream, in madness state and using other cars as RAMPS to JUMP over and get in the front of this school. So like those ramps in video games where you get in front of people, except real vehicles. So while I'm walking back out, and of course trying to avoid getting smashed, that back on the street is being absolutely Batshit, and I guess dad tried to get in a spot that Luke and I could hop into, so he does this sort of ramp thing with the cars, but he goes high in the air. The big ass expedition goes high in the air, comes down okay, but as I'm going toward the vehicle I hear my dad SCREAMING. Like. Bloody murder. It wasn't a yehaw sort of thing you could hear him doing in the air, he was SCREAMING. So of course I freak out, and I run over there and parts of the car are totaled and I pull him out of the vehicle, and he's fucking electrocuted. Something malfunctioned in the car when he hit the ground, zapped the whole inside of the car. I pull him out and his eyes are in the back of his head , I don't know what to do and so I'm screaming, screaming call 911 because that's all I can do, and I'm just, absolutely shocked (in that literary sense) My dad is DEAD. And of course at this time my dream fades off, and despite me only having gone to sleep at 1 in the morning, I woke up at 3 AM hearing the thunder.

This dream, again after analyzing it, seems to come from that miller thing, and the fact it was raining/thundering outside and that's how instead of the car blowing up like you think it would, he got electrocuted. This morning I didn't even know what to do with myself. I don't want this to be something forseen, either of these dreams, and I wish they would go away. I didn't really want to IM about it, and it was hard for me to like, explain it (I tried explaining the first dream to my mom but she didn't get it), so while I had hoped ashly would have been on long enough today for me to confine it in her, she was not and I really needed something tangible for me to put my thoughts into before I try to go to sleep again tonight.

There was a third dream, another one close my life that I had earlier today, but it ranged like other dreams I had, where I was happy, then depressed, then my depression turned into anger and I got to go throw shit around and that was amusing, and then there was a sense of comfort in the end. I think I woke up with not really a sense of OH GOD NO, but a "we had an auditorium at Kerr?" :< it was nice too XD

 

I don't expect any of you to pity me. We all have our own problems, however it just seems like as of this week, all my creativity and emotional thoughts became dreams and NOT DRAWINGS AUGLHDKLGF one chibi that's it this week *cries* you can comment on it. You can NOT comment on it. Do what you wish, I was just trying to make myself more calm.

~Kayton.

Posty truly is toasty

When you write one in the morning. Haven't written one in a while, i know i should :\ so hur i am.
I have no rant in me, its too hard to just sit down and rant when its...not 2 AM XD
So you'll get the bare basics from me today. I beat Dissidia this week, if i were to score it, an 9 out of ten, the good points were the customization, the amount of modes for heroes, many characters variable differences and long story mode. Bad points however were the fact that its annoying to level up villans when they have no modes themselves, and would take alot more time leveling up new characters. I played with Tidus, and hes 73 now and the only person closest is onion knight at level 30. The individual stories were interesting, but the main story was like "wut" the whole time, so bland and "omg im gonna kill you for CHAOOSSS." and chaos is a bitch. :[ It really is like an 8.5, but my biasedness for characters and what they say and the nice music+ending cutscene bumps it up.

Anyways, been living life, drawing, rock banding, sort of gaming, whenever I can't draw. i'd really like to play ffX or x-2 over, but then i still have to start days, mario and luigi bowsers inside story, finish scribblenauts T___T WHERES MAH TIEMMMM AUGHHHH

Its always my tiem isnt it. Even in real life i feel like I'm running out of time. Anyway, todays post has ended, crack it up, irrationalize, and comment.

Return to the land of dreams

And water and wings.

This is one of my favorite pictures from the OVAs :]

This week, Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicles ended its 232 chapter run with an epilogue. After almost four years of reading and watching it, I figured it needed a reflection of sorts to calm my own brain.

We can remember, even when I was on xanga I crazily freaked as a calm ian "wtf"ed at me and mal "lolled" my antics. To excerpt from a post November 2007:

"i HATE rsyaoran in the fact that he absolutely contradicted himself, and again todays chapter. When we learn that Syaoran is actually the clone, rsyaoran tells him that even if he was a clone he could still have a heart and make his own decisions, aka live his own life and that he would not be a puppet to fei wong. And here we are, 40 chapters later and rsyaoran is dealing with NOT his own business."

I obsess when I watch series, I think you can understand and get the best out of them when you do, but that is my own thing. We've had a lot of ups and downs, syaoran being a clone..clone sakura dying…clone syaoran dying, adult clone syaoran (~) and to the end where real syaoran will continue his journey to help the clone and his alternate self Watanuki escape from his own heart. The story, I believe, is not done. Hinted in the epilogue, syaoran might appear at the shop in xxxholic, so I'll keep my eyes peeled. I feel like this is one of my favorite series', I don't have a lot of them but when I do, they strike me vividly. I mean, all the nonsense about clones? They aren't real, and yet they could invoke hatred against the real thing despite the clone not being the original. AND THE EYE. Personally, Tokyo revelations was my favorite arc, nothing makes you go from sad to angry to shocked to upset and then hopeful all in around 30 minutes ALL FROM THE SAME CHARACTER. (clone syaoran blue eye blood stained cheek ftw. You heard nothing.) Many don't agree with me, stating that CLAMP has had much better ones. But when I hear that half of the protagonists are 12 crushing on their teachers or Worse, im pretty satisfied with CLAMP.

I feel that they really lost themselves in the middle and towards the end however. In the beginning, it was stressed that syaoran would have to make a new bond with sakura, both clones at the moment in time, and as it went by, that part of life was lost in a flurry to keep up with which sakura was who and what syaoran liked what. The feathers, even at the end, seemed lost. Fei wong always wanted to use sakuras body for to cross dimensions, to give yuuko a body? So in terms of storyline, I think most English teachers (and not real professors) would proclaim that it didn't make sense and was filled with plotholes.

So why was it so good? Tis strange. I guess the wtfuckery factor it brings to the table that really got me, week to week I couldn't help myself by being like YES SCREW YOU RSYAORAN, or OMG WTF HAPPENED *wikis*, or THAT WAS IT?!1?!?!?!?! (last ch before epilogue )

I think. It was the characters. For someone not exactly rolling in cardcaptor sakura history, I managed to love both syaoran and sakura as if I had known of their relationship before. Fai and Kurogane as well, though not as prominent as time went on, really were some fun, but crazy characters. Fai has his own little fan club in the back of my brain, and kuro has awesome written on a sticky note dwelling in my head too. Adult syaoran was – err nevermind. I'm happy to have started something, read it in full each week and experienced it, and then got to feel fuller by watching it. It was one of the first, in fact, like that, with only maybe one or two I started without knowing plot or characters, or, like naruto, jumping around.

So I leave this post with this. "Stagnant time is the same as death." Go forward, and don't waste your life away. Don't stand still, or you'll be left behind. *holds up sword* AND REMEMBER YOUR SOLIDER HONOR DAMMIT!

~Kayton-taaan

Take it to the sky; never comin back

Maybe sometime in the next century ill make a title that makes sense. Before I spend this weekend reading and dealing with Grendel; I thought I would start by giving another updattebayo of my week.

First things first; I made some sweet shirts early in the week, and have decided to spread that and do shirts for others. So up on my AIM info are instructions, and that's that. I've only got one of the three slots filled but I'm hoping to advertise a bit better so. Art was okay this week, I finished that dastardly shoescape, and the inspiral nation redux picture probably wont be done in time for the tues due date unless a miracle erupts; like, I read grendel at a blinding pace. Kate + books = no. so probably not. English is getting back to normal, I'm really on a half acquaintance thing with the people in my class, but I guess my shyness came off pretty fast, and now im back to being retarded, so I guess that's good. Lunch is…lunch. IF NOT FOR MY ALONENESS AT LUNCH THE MELONXAPPLE PAIRING WOULD NOT EXIST XDD. Smoothie ftw.

I'd like to, for myself, work on some sort of idea each week, like a central something im not too great at everyweekend, and get better at it. I tried fitting this marathoning thing into my HCC time but that didn't work. So for example ( from my planner that I need a new one of) "finish request week" , "30 poses week" (draw out 30 dynamic/different poses), "anime bonanza week" (I guess that means draw random anime characters? Eh)

Other ones I'd like to do is like straight cartoon characters (bugs, popeye, that sort of stuff), MAYBE a still life item week, faces week, ZACK WEEK……? XD for like the nomura style I mean; maybe an okami style week. That sort of thing. I thought about doing one picture a day like many marathons do but you know how 5 days come and go and the 6^th day is doing all 5 days work. So :\

I've been working on pea pod, added a new pod, strawberries pod, who include females Strawberry and Melon, aaand….whomever exit is going to do a boy. Melon was done by ashly! I did strawberry! Apple has an infatuation with melon! Err… XD

APPLEMELON SMOOTHIE.

~Professor Kayton

-from Hershel Layton Professor school-