And what an uneventful yet eventful week it's been. I don't write often, actually this past week I didn't do ANYTHING cept 1 chibi and that makes me sad. I dunno, motiviation? Something like that. However despite my actual "how's life" ramblings being quite dull, I needed to write this because of certain things that don't happen while im awake. Or called, dreams. If you know me well, you can say that I have….strange dreams. Usually, theyre just plain weird. Things like my uncle riding a childs motorcycle in a culdesac and being like a chauffeur (XD I love that one), another where im playing Pictionary in the middle of MY culdesac and I the words I kept getting were horrible and not KIDSAFE (what an o///////o moment in that dream that was XD)
But no. As of this morning, I've had two, absolutely, FUCKING HORRIBLE, dreams. There was a third one today that wasn't horrible, somewhat amusing in a sense but whatever. This is strange because I normally don't have this many dreams in a row I remember, and they being so bad they affected my waking up & going through the day. School people! Noticed anything sort of off about me this week? Yeah I'm pretty good at hiding it. I really didn't know who or how to convey these…dreams to, so I'm using the blog instead.
Tuesday, I got home and decided to watch teen titans, upstairs yadda yadda, ended up laying on the floor trying to watch them and fell asleep. This was one of the horrible dreams. I can't exactly put them into words, and for this one it actually includes those who might read this blog so I won't get into specifics, but it felt very real, I mean the whole dream started up with me waking up from where I was and answering the door (ironically, how I woke up to this dream was getting up and answering the door, though in real life it was Steven I still had this OH GOD NO in my head). I answered the door, stuff happened, I was really happy, and all of a sudden, a realization hit me. Now again, due to it dealing with real ppl and situations I can't explain, I'll say that someone who should have been with these said people weren't. This, situation, was like a future alternative to my life down the road, and if I had to choose, I didn't want that way. So, while said people were in my house, I completely ended up changing my attitude, going to my room and shutting/locking (Even though theres not a lock) on my doors, sitting in the middle of my room NEXT to my bed and taking all my blankets and comforters and wrapping myself all in them. I was absolutely devastated, and in this dream it was so vivid that I never felt this feeling of anguish before. Confused, said people awkwardly the house, and then of course the real door bell rang.
This dream, of the three, pertains closest to my actual life. Because I had been thinking so much about things, they gave me a sort of situation to look at. And of course after analyzing it in real life, if that's how life would be down the line, I don't want it. Not. At. All.
Flashforward to LAST night, Thursday night while it was raining, I had another dream. One I hope to god doesn't come true in any way or fashion. I can spare people reading this a "censored" version because it doesn't pertain to any of you. Another pretty real dream to start with, my father and I were having bonding time. On a side note, I know you don't hear it from me much, I usually talk about my mom more, but I do love my dad very much. He's got this laid back sense of being I think I have myself in some ways, and we bond over little things. Anyway, we were up at miller (an intermediate school both Luke and I went to at some points) in the front of the school, both in his expedition, and I guess we were waiting on something, because the whole front was filled with cars. Now. This part comes from last year, when I had to pick up Luke several times at Miller due to his rehearsals for his play. People waiting on their children in that front, are absolute madmen in vehicles. Nobody waits in line, people try to pull out in front of one another, the parking lot is filled, the first curve around the schools front is filled, then the second space curve next to it (essentially you are boxed in if you're in the inner curve) and whomever cannot get in the front has to get in this line that goes all the way down the street the schools on. Madness at every turn, I sort of dreaded the going to get Luke because I hoped that someone didn't try to kill me. BACK TO THE DREAM, We were sort of in the outer curve, but on the street and not in the space where the school is, so dad sends me in to find Luke. At this point, take what I said in real life about this driving issue and like triple it. It was BAD BAD. I roam along happily, get distracted, trying to find Luke, tell him to get his butt back here and when I come back out of the school, I see some of these cars, again, it's a dream, in madness state and using other cars as RAMPS to JUMP over and get in the front of this school. So like those ramps in video games where you get in front of people, except real vehicles. So while I'm walking back out, and of course trying to avoid getting smashed, that back on the street is being absolutely Batshit, and I guess dad tried to get in a spot that Luke and I could hop into, so he does this sort of ramp thing with the cars, but he goes high in the air. The big ass expedition goes high in the air, comes down okay, but as I'm going toward the vehicle I hear my dad SCREAMING. Like. Bloody murder. It wasn't a yehaw sort of thing you could hear him doing in the air, he was SCREAMING. So of course I freak out, and I run over there and parts of the car are totaled and I pull him out of the vehicle, and he's fucking electrocuted. Something malfunctioned in the car when he hit the ground, zapped the whole inside of the car. I pull him out and his eyes are in the back of his head , I don't know what to do and so I'm screaming, screaming call 911 because that's all I can do, and I'm just, absolutely shocked (in that literary sense) My dad is DEAD. And of course at this time my dream fades off, and despite me only having gone to sleep at 1 in the morning, I woke up at 3 AM hearing the thunder.
This dream, again after analyzing it, seems to come from that miller thing, and the fact it was raining/thundering outside and that's how instead of the car blowing up like you think it would, he got electrocuted. This morning I didn't even know what to do with myself. I don't want this to be something forseen, either of these dreams, and I wish they would go away. I didn't really want to IM about it, and it was hard for me to like, explain it (I tried explaining the first dream to my mom but she didn't get it), so while I had hoped ashly would have been on long enough today for me to confine it in her, she was not and I really needed something tangible for me to put my thoughts into before I try to go to sleep again tonight.
There was a third dream, another one close my life that I had earlier today, but it ranged like other dreams I had, where I was happy, then depressed, then my depression turned into anger and I got to go throw shit around and that was amusing, and then there was a sense of comfort in the end. I think I woke up with not really a sense of OH GOD NO, but a "we had an auditorium at Kerr?" :< it was nice too XD
I don't expect any of you to pity me. We all have our own problems, however it just seems like as of this week, all my creativity and emotional thoughts became dreams and NOT DRAWINGS AUGLHDKLGF one chibi that's it this week *cries* you can comment on it. You can NOT comment on it. Do what you wish, I was just trying to make myself more calm.
~Kayton.
