BOYFRI--

(all names are excluded because one day if they find this and then they'll be like wtf man!)

I DON'T KNOW WHY I WANT TO WRITE THIS
but its i suppose new. not important or anything
IN RESPONSE TO TheExitChan: Cuddle Weather
I'll talk a tinnny bit about that whole -boyfriend- situation.

I've never had a real um. boyfriend. a few things that could be considered by others maybe, but not to me. Crush on a guy in 1st grade, crush on a guy in 5th grade, 9th grade I "dated" guy w for about a day and decided it was just too weird for me.
It was. just really weird. I did like him (mildly not so much for his need to flirt with everygirl), but me saying no to it was because I didnt get that whole, how do things work as BF and GF. I also lacked to have those, well, feeling things? Which tends to be a problem when you HAVE TO HAVE THEM.

In tenth grade, I was asked to go see a very nice game music concert, which I was under the impression when i said yes, was a group thing. guy D had also asked my friend to go, but he couldnt. Only a day or two beforehand, was it, a date. so i decided, well fine, might as well. whatever. so guy D i guess, maybe? took this way too seriously, and one statue later he was telling everybody we were BF and GF. I didnt really like him like that, and i also couldnt stick with it, because he was kind of elitist to me, and it was annoying. eventually, I broke it off. and then he called my house, said he missed me...tried to corner me in the hallway and talk to me when i was NOT interested... just.... >.>

I think the first time I started paying attention to all this BF GF stuff was with friend/guy C. everybody knows THIS story. guy C liked my friend "miss E" if you will, and I got to hear all his RAMBLINGS and crap. My car was some safe haven where he would tell me stuff and I would be like C'MON I DON'T WANNA HEAR IT ANYMOREEE

But it also made me wonder if I was missing something. like. this is how he ACTUALLY feels for her? that's so strange. I mean. I've read some fanfiction (NARUSAKUUU) and maybe a little romance here there, but that's not REAL. I don't feel it, I don't understand it. when i was younger, it was like this, ohmygodicantlooktheyregoingtokiss *turnsaway*

I did come to understand it, and when I did, I started realizing what i actually wanted in someone. I for sure cant have anyone trying to do everything for me. MISS INDEPENDENT. lol. but on that note, for as much as I want to be independent, I want to depend on someone. depend on you depend on me. While I say I'd like to have a link (or a zack), who doesn't, I could settle with normality. its allright. I'd rather be more comfortable around someones looks actually, then be like. ohmahgodthisguy he be so hawt I can't be around him 'cuz he so hawt

-I'm having wayyy too much fun writing this guys LOL-

So I realized that after a year or more of LISTENING to friend guy C, >.> i came to like him myself. This is such a hard thing to talk about, because its so problematic. I started actually realizing, Those things he was talking about? Ewww i felt those things.
I HAD FEELINGS. EW.
And this was the point where for whatever reason, guy C decided he DIDNT want to deal with me, talk to me anymore. We had been friends to the point where I feel. like the difference between bf and gf and friends, was a label. I had what I was looking for. dependablity, and normalcy. I kind of, wanted to know what happened when there WAS the label added.
but anyway
Guy C decided he wanted to be a douche to round out the end of my friendship with him. which is saddening. and of course I never really got the chance to try a chance at something REAL, not these crushes or stalks or stupidities. -.- and it ended in a stupidity.

So am i looking for someone? of course i am. jeez. but. sadly it'll prolly be a long time from now till a someone actually happens. for now i got peter the chulupa, I got mah AKE and my ashly, and I'm okay with that.

ON DRIFTING.

Totally always wanted to be like, a speed racer sort of thing. when I was younger, it was like YOU CAN GO HOW FAST IN NEED FOR SPEED ? or hot wheels world race (love that movie)
in NFS underground 2, I was introduced to drift and drag. and while I was MUCH better at drag, i always thought being a drifter would be awesome. going REALLY fast somewhere would be awesome.

THEN I GREW UP AND GOT A CAR AND AM A CAUTIOUS DRIVER :[
I of course have these moments where I wanna go as fast as I can and zoom around other cars. but alas. Damn you conscience.
...I also want to see how much damage my Kaytonmobile can do to OTHER vehicles but alas. XD
~Proffy

Couple THINGSSS

Just stuff that pops into my head about me or in general, I gotta blog it or else what D: wheere shall it go?!
-On Bentley Jones
So I've been listening, and singing, to Mistah BJS new Finally Free album this week, ALOT. And Exitttt pointed out how Joe (inoue), was better. So I started thinking, WHY do I like what I like. So I pulled out my handy dandy notebook, wrote down some clues, and now I'm gonna share them for me and blue! (you?) lol
I kind of...from time to time, write my own songs. without a beat, and without well, writing. For example, sometimes I turn my radio completely off in the car and just...spout words. Sometimes they rhyme, sometimes I'm not witty enough to think on my feet and come up with a rhyme. soo. yeah. I started noticing ESPECIALLY with this album, that some of the lines that BJ has, along with his emotion, matches my rhythm and lines as I sing. Its crazy. I can't explain it. Like I guess, in my head, BJs tone in my head matches my own. that's how I sound in my head. lol.
SO if you wonder how im like OHMAHGOODNESSBENTLEY JONES and you're like, why does she act that way? tadaaa lol.
-I ALREADY SAID THIS BUT I HAVE REALLY HORRIBLE DREAMS.
FORGET logic, I dont even WANT to explain to you what happens in some of these dreams. god. that last one? >.> it was like a mix of college and anime and games. or my perception of college. with....game characters. sounds fun? NOT IN THIS CONTEXT. aughaughfsdkjglk
-Not only am i an amateur songwriter, I'm also an amateur fanfiction writer !
Last night I was cleaning out my Deviations, and i found a few under the narusaku club, and im not nearly as into narusaku as i used to be you know? but either way, these SUCKED. augh. lol. in my head i was all like. this should have TOTALLY HAPPENED RIGHT HERE. and then i was like. FRICK IT *spends an hour writing up like a 2 page piece*, it wasnt very good. i just think its funny.
IN MY HEAD THINGS ARE EITHER ALOT BETTER OR ALOT WORSE.
FRYS WAS BETTER IN MY HEAD
NARUSAKU PLOTLINES ARE BETTER IN MY HEAD. more vivid at least.
DREAMS ARE WORSE.

ALSO. I AM HARDCORE. GOODBYE.
~Proffy